I knew that I wanted to breastfeed my first child. When I was pregnant and people would ask if I was going to breastfeed, I gave the typical response: “I’m going to try.” My son was born six weeks early and wasn’t a very proactive nurser. I listened to the books. I listened to well-meaning nurses. I listened to everything else but my baby. I was always trying to feed him while he was sleeping because it was “time” for him to eat. When he was awake and crying, I would feel frantic. I couldn’t understand why he would be upset since I just fed him an hour ago. In this way, I “tried” for 8 weeks before I was put on medication for depression and told that I should wean because of it. I was so depressed. I felt like such a failure.
I was determined to breastfeed my second child. I felt anxious about it from the start. Within weeks of his birth, I was contacting a La Leche League leader with worries about my supply. I started to learn to relax though. This time, I listened to my baby. When he cried, I knew that he needed me. I knew that what a baby needs for the first six months is 99.99% mother related… and I was just the person to give that to him. It was such an empowering and cathartic experience. I was able to let go a bit of that feeling that I was a failure. I hadn’t failed my first son. Society had failed me. I had been given information that was less than helpful and because of that, I was without help in a time when I needed it.
Breastfeeding is natural… but it is a learned behavior.
